Image Courtesy of Austin Adair
In a parallel universe, there’s a planet where it rains only Italian cured meats. It appears that somehow, a wormhole has ripped through the space-time continuum and connected that world to ours, as evidenced by an assemblage of Italian sausage recently found on a family’s roof in Deerfield Beach, Florida. It’s a mystery meat whodunnit that raises more questions than answers; a cold case that has shaken a community to its core.
On Saturday at around 4am, the Adair family was awakened by a loud thud on the roof of their residence. Morning’s light later revealed the unthinkable: 15 pounds of frozen Italian sausage, wrapped in suspicious white packaging. The only clue left at the scene was the name printed on the bag, “Williams Land Service,” which the Adairs traced back to a land surveying company in Alabama. A rep at the company told Austin Adair, who was sleeping at the time the meat dropped on his home, that they had no business with the sausage.
“You could tell that guy thought I was absolutely insane when I called him,” Adair told Gizmodo. “But he did have a good sense of humor, because he asked me to send him pictures [of the meat].”
Even with Williams Land Service ruled out as a potential suspect, so many salient questions remain: Who would vandalize an unsuspecting family’s home with cured meats? How far down the rabbit hole of depravity does this entire ordeal go? We decided to investigate a few possible leads: