A desert tortoise. Image: Andrew Walde There are only a few things in this life animals really have to do. They have to eat, they have to shit, and they have to bang. So when conservation biologists transplant a bunch of wild animals in order to save them, but half of them stop getting laid…

Image: Michael Indresano Production Pasta might not make you think “science.” But then again, you’ve probably haven’t shouted “holy shit” while you watched it curl up before your eyes. A team of MIT and Syracuse University researchers are working on how to reduce food shipping costs and required storage space—a fairly mundane problem, admittedly, but…

Macaca fascicularis at Ngarai Sianok, Bukittinggi, West Sumatra. Image: Wikimedia Commons Sopranos superfans will be glad to know that the mafia is still alive and well—sort of. A temple in Bali, Indonesia has apparently been overrun by mafioso macaques that have been stealing tourists’ items in exchange for food. New research suggests the unusual phenomenon…

Photo: Getty The FBI has reportedly launched an inquiry into an attempted cyberattack targeting members of the first family. ABC News reports that Don Jr. and Eric Trump were summoned for an “emergency session” with agents of the Bureau’s cybersecurity division; a CIA “representative” was also reportedly present. The source of the alleged cyberthreat is…

Image: Boring Company Are you ready, Elon? WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOOOSE? GIF Image: Vine/Hudson Hongo/Gizmodo Read more about this shoe-ass car on Business Insider.

Image: HSE Life as an academic is hard, if you discount the summers off and the whole tenure thing. Assuming you’ve ever submitted a piece of research for publication, chances are you’ve had to go through the process of peer review—an often soul-crushing ordeal during which you and your ideas are metaphorically flayed by a…